Week 4 Calls

As a coach this week, I felt I was able to help my coachee. And as a coachee, I felt more connected to my coach and less worried about my troubles with the course and the dense theory I've been sometimes struggling to get through.
First, my conversation with Amanda, my coachee. We talked about the four fields of conversation as well as Isaac's four player model. Amanda told me that she most often functions within the field of politeness as she doesn't like to cause conflict or possibly offend people whether they are co-workers, friends or classmates. She also identified herself as a "mover," directing and guiding dialogue when part of a group. Knowing a bit about Amanda - her background in hospitality management and her current path to becoming a teacher - her dialogue patterns made sense to me. She challenged herself this week by having a conversation with her fiancee in which she took the role of opposer. For someone who doesn't like to make waves, interacting in this way with a loved one can be difficult. I reminded her of the importance of moving through Scharmer's fields of dialogue in order to create more meaningful dialogue as well as to honor her own needs and beliefs. Getting to know yourself through dialogue can also help you to better and more deeply see and understand other points of view.
Amanda's second challenge for herself was to have a conversation with her brother with whom she does not have a current relationship due to past difficulties. Amanda chose to wait until after our coaching session to attempt this conversation as she felt she needed more support and advice. She wanted to try and move into the role of follower/bystander in order to listen to her brother's point of view. Although, as I referenced earlier, the literature encourages us to move through the fields of dialogue, my own background as a therapist came into play in my advice to her. In my opinion, I think the most important part of any interaction is safety. I encouraged Amanda to evaluate her feelings about the situation and assess whether or not she would be able to remain in her chosen role safely. In my experience, it is very easy for those functioning withing the field of politeness to neglect their own voice in a situation such as this. At the same time, it is also easy to switch over to the role of opposer when someone is challenging your own deeply held beliefs. The latter would be counter-productive for Amanda's goals and the former may be damaging. Either way, without practice moving through the fields true seeing, hearing and presensing in a situation as extreme as this one may be impossible. Another option is to have a more facilitated dialogue with her brother in which a dialogue leader or outside third party could help to keep the conversation safe and productive. In this instance, however, that did not seem possible.