My second call with Chinrinee was great. She really makes me greatful for having this part of the class. I believe she exemplifies the idea that was discussed in several posts this week concerning coaches knowing themselves before they can seek to help others and I feel very lucky to have begun this new friendship. Chinrinee has a great tactic that she uses in which she re-states what I have said after I am done saying it in terms of her own understanding. It really helps me to hear my words spoken back to me with sparse but insightful interpretation from a coach. Her questions are at once broad and specific. for example, Chinrinee often asks me what my one wish would be concerning a difficulty I am facing or a goal I have set. She is a very active listener and I hope to emulate this so that I can transmit the feeling of safety and comfort to those I am coaching and counseling as she does to me.
I ventured to be a bystander this week as I have been trying to do for the past several weeks in a new position I have recently taken although I did not have Isaac's term for it when I began. Chinrinee helped me to realize what a relief it was to not always be a mover or opposer. I was able to listen and engage with a kind of stillness ad peace that I often lack. I had no less control as a bystander but I did feel, looking back on it, less controlling. I have been trying to do this on a persona level through yoga and meditation for years and I feel like some of my hard work and non-work or non-grip (if that makes sense) helped me to finally begin to see that I was using these practices in my relationships with other people as well.
Despite what the assignments may be for this or next week, I am going to try and continue to practice bystanding and noticing how this affects my own dialogue and that of the people I seek to help.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Week 4 Calls
As a coach this week, I felt I was able to help my coachee. And as a coachee, I felt more connected to my coach and less worried about my troubles with the course and the dense theory I've been sometimes struggling to get through.
First, my conversation with Amanda, my coachee. We talked about the four fields of conversation as well as Isaac's four player model. Amanda told me that she most often functions within the field of politeness as she doesn't like to cause conflict or possibly offend people whether they are co-workers, friends or classmates. She also identified herself as a "mover," directing and guiding dialogue when part of a group. Knowing a bit about Amanda - her background in hospitality management and her current path to becoming a teacher - her dialogue patterns made sense to me. She challenged herself this week by having a conversation with her fiancee in which she took the role of opposer. For someone who doesn't like to make waves, interacting in this way with a loved one can be difficult. I reminded her of the importance of moving through Scharmer's fields of dialogue in order to create more meaningful dialogue as well as to honor her own needs and beliefs. Getting to know yourself through dialogue can also help you to better and more deeply see and understand other points of view.
Amanda's second challenge for herself was to have a conversation with her brother with whom she does not have a current relationship due to past difficulties. Amanda chose to wait until after our coaching session to attempt this conversation as she felt she needed more support and advice. She wanted to try and move into the role of follower/bystander in order to listen to her brother's point of view. Although, as I referenced earlier, the literature encourages us to move through the fields of dialogue, my own background as a therapist came into play in my advice to her. In my opinion, I think the most important part of any interaction is safety. I encouraged Amanda to evaluate her feelings about the situation and assess whether or not she would be able to remain in her chosen role safely. In my experience, it is very easy for those functioning withing the field of politeness to neglect their own voice in a situation such as this. At the same time, it is also easy to switch over to the role of opposer when someone is challenging your own deeply held beliefs. The latter would be counter-productive for Amanda's goals and the former may be damaging. Either way, without practice moving through the fields true seeing, hearing and presensing in a situation as extreme as this one may be impossible. Another option is to have a more facilitated dialogue with her brother in which a dialogue leader or outside third party could help to keep the conversation safe and productive. In this instance, however, that did not seem possible.
First, my conversation with Amanda, my coachee. We talked about the four fields of conversation as well as Isaac's four player model. Amanda told me that she most often functions within the field of politeness as she doesn't like to cause conflict or possibly offend people whether they are co-workers, friends or classmates. She also identified herself as a "mover," directing and guiding dialogue when part of a group. Knowing a bit about Amanda - her background in hospitality management and her current path to becoming a teacher - her dialogue patterns made sense to me. She challenged herself this week by having a conversation with her fiancee in which she took the role of opposer. For someone who doesn't like to make waves, interacting in this way with a loved one can be difficult. I reminded her of the importance of moving through Scharmer's fields of dialogue in order to create more meaningful dialogue as well as to honor her own needs and beliefs. Getting to know yourself through dialogue can also help you to better and more deeply see and understand other points of view.
Amanda's second challenge for herself was to have a conversation with her brother with whom she does not have a current relationship due to past difficulties. Amanda chose to wait until after our coaching session to attempt this conversation as she felt she needed more support and advice. She wanted to try and move into the role of follower/bystander in order to listen to her brother's point of view. Although, as I referenced earlier, the literature encourages us to move through the fields of dialogue, my own background as a therapist came into play in my advice to her. In my opinion, I think the most important part of any interaction is safety. I encouraged Amanda to evaluate her feelings about the situation and assess whether or not she would be able to remain in her chosen role safely. In my experience, it is very easy for those functioning withing the field of politeness to neglect their own voice in a situation such as this. At the same time, it is also easy to switch over to the role of opposer when someone is challenging your own deeply held beliefs. The latter would be counter-productive for Amanda's goals and the former may be damaging. Either way, without practice moving through the fields true seeing, hearing and presensing in a situation as extreme as this one may be impossible. Another option is to have a more facilitated dialogue with her brother in which a dialogue leader or outside third party could help to keep the conversation safe and productive. In this instance, however, that did not seem possible.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
First Coaching Session
I just finished my first session of being coached by Chinrinee. It was so nice! I realized that having a course on dialogue that only allowed, until this point, for written conversation was counter-intuitive. Perhaps this is just me. I know we live in a world where much communication is written word, specifically web-speak, based and wherein even the theory uses terms that are technological in nature (ex- Scharmer's use of the term "Downloading"), but it is very difficult for me. As I told Chinrinee, I think there is a lot to dialogue that is contact specific in that not everything can be neatly typed out and explained. Further, there are pieces of dialogue that are completely unspoken and untypable such as body language, breath and pause that are lost when dialogue doesn't happen face-to-face. Being able to hear Chinrinee's voice and see her face and movement were hugely helpful in feeling supported. Up until this point I have only felt overwhelmed by the course and although we are able to respond to each other's posts, the time delay and lack of personal energy has left me feeling like a single person engaging in material with other single people rather than being a part of a class or group who is exploring together. I will be very interested to see if these issues are addressed in later readings.
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